the last season

I never got around to posting my outfit photos from NYFW last season and now that I won't be able to attend any shows because of the new covid world we are living in, I look back at these memories with extra fondness. I had made the decision a while ago to redirect my career in fitness and I slowly started to spend less time in NYC as I focused on building connections here at home where I could train, get certified, and start teaching classes. The process happened faster than I thought it would take and within months, I had a full schedule with three different gyms. I began other workouts for cross-training and my body began to change. Everyone told me that I looked stronger and healthier but it also played a huge role in why I ultimately decided that I had to choose between fashion and fitness. While I know that I'm not considered overweight by any means, I also know that my body is no longer the ideal type in the fashion world. I hadn't changed anything else in my life - my diet was the same and I still did the same amount of cardio but dance fitness was no longer the only thing in my life anymore - and for so many years, that was the only thing that had really kept me so thin. I get on the scale every now and then just to see where I am and I can't imagine being 20 lbs lighter. I still struggle with how my body has changed over the past year but I love what I'm doing now - I love the various workouts, the fact that I'm strength training, and that I actually enjoy running and sculpting - and I wouldn't give any of it up just to be that skinny again. In these photos, my body is already starting to look different but my humble opinion is that I am still rocking this outfit regardless.

A more important aspect of fashion that I learned, which really opened my eyes thanks to the projects I was doing and the styling shoots I got to be involved in throughout the last 4 years, was how unsustainable this beautiful world of fashion really is. Almost all of the textiles goes into the landfills every year. Fashion production in itself makes up 10% of the worlds carbon emissions, dries up water sources, and pollutes our oceans. So many tons of microfibers end up in the ocean - equivalent to 50 billion water bottles. Many of the textiles are not even biodegradable. With fashion, collections change so quickly - I mean, fashion week showcases next seasons styles within 5 months of each other. Becoming more knowledgable of all these facts made it harder to turn the other cheek. I only spent three months in London for fashion design and I know it requires tremendous creativity, technical skills, and the perseverance to fight and make it in a cut-throat environment where very few become successful. So, of course, I have the utmost respect for this world - but it probably is not the right one for me to be so involved in. When I was looking into transferring for my last year in fashion school, FIT was just rolling out new courses in sustainable fashion and if I ever find time to make my way back, this would be a course I would want to study. I feel so inspired by Reformation and how their entire line revolves around sustainable fabrics so it's definitely doable to alter the industry but would require a tremendous shift within both commercial and high fashion brands.

Not being able to be part of NYFW for the first time in 4 years will feel different. Sad. Even as things changed in my life, this was the one constant I had that tied me to the amazing experiences I had in what I can only describe as a whirlwind affair with fashion. I still think about that day I flew to NYC just hours after my ninth 14 hour shift. I was exhausted but excited to be starting my first day at FIT in the afternoon. I think about that special person who just happened to be standing in front of me at the coffee shop across the street from the school, I think about how maybe if I hadn't dropped my wallet, he would never have started a conversation with me. And without that conversation, I wouldn't have been offered to help assist at a magazine shoot the following week - the most random and unexpected opportunity presented to me that ended up opening doors upon doors. I know all things come to an end but I'm hoping that I can still find something that will connect me to this industry that I love so much - but in a more responsible and healthy way.